


TBUniverse 1: Teddy Bear

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-18
Updated: 2004-07-18
Packaged: 2018-11-20 17:12:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11339808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Fox tells his lovers about certain desires he has.





	TBUniverse 1: Teddy Bear

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

TBUniverse 1: Teddy Bear

### TBUniverse 1: Teddy Bear

#### by Nicholas

  


Title: TBUniverse 1: Teddy Bear  
Author: Nicholas  
E-Mail: Pairing: M/Sk/K  
Rating: R  
Category: Relationship 

Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Alex Krycek, Walter Skinner belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made from their use. 

Warnings: "Put MANY warnings on this one," my beta told me several times, paraphrasing here. And because she has more common sense than I do maybe, let me give you this one very direct and clear warning. Chances are that you are not overly used to the content displayed in this. Chances are you will be squicked. If you know that you cannot stomach anything but a romantic, fluffy piece do not read this. Oh, and yes, D/s implied. Consider yourself warned. 

Notes: This has existed for almost a year now, as some know. There is more. I decided to post it now after some discussions with people. To be honest, I hate having to put the warnings on this story/Universe, but I never know what people might be squicked by. The rating is not for graphic sexual content or violence, it is for "adult situations". I won't say more than that. 

Dedication: For Gaby. Originally because of something she said, by now a thank you for her work. 

\-- 

He looks at me with an open, expectant, waiting expression. His brows furrow slightly as his eyes venture downwards again to the counter where the groceries are stocked up and then drift back to my face. The furrow is getting deeper. I believe he has asked a question, but my mind has been too pre-occupied with the items in my back-pocket as to hear what he has said. 

"Fox, you knew I wanted to make chicken. How come you have bought everything but that?" 

This time I am able to comprehend what he says. How come, well, there are these items in my back-pocket... 

"Fox has been a bad boy, Fox has been a bad boy," I hear a certain someone, fellow sub and altogether annoying lover chant. It was only too clear that Alex would find a great pleasure in that. 

"Alex," Walter's growl shuts him up. Hah! Victory. I grin at him smugly. He pushes his tongue out. Both of us start laughing. Then he comes up to me, embraces me from behind and puts his chin on my shoulder, looking at Walter, then back at me. 

"'fess up, baby," he murmurs into my ear and I cringe slightly at that, knowing it hits a little too close to home. His eyes widen when he feels the slight movement but he keeps silent. Now they both stare at me, waiting to hear what's wrong. 

"I just forgot, I guess. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." I'm blushing. 

"Fox, you don't just _forget_ something." 

I don't reply, only watch Walter and Alex exchanging worried glances. Yeah, that's correct, so I don't just forget, but it's the best excuse I could come up with _without_ mentioning these items in my back-pocket. To think that Alex is already dangerously close to them, makes me sweat slightly and pray that he doesn't feel the slight hardness poking at him. 

"Fox?" Walter has walked up to me, too. Now my two lovers are sandwiching me between them and I try hard not to consider that we are making such a scene about something that...unimportant. I mean, hey, I forgot one stupid chicken-thing. 

"Fox, you don't simply _forget_ stuff, which means that something has happened that made you forget. You obviously are upset. And I'm not just ignoring it when one of my subs looks as if there are tears rolling down his cheeks any minute." 

I disentangle myself from both of them, they let it happen, only again that worried look between them. 

"Fox?" Alex whimpers, getting this hurt look in his eyes that is always prone to come up when he feels like he is the source for someone's negative feelings, that it's his fault. I kiss him softly. Then look at him. Back at Walter. Back at him. 

"I'll...I'll tell you tonight...in bed...okay? It...I'll tell you. I'm sorry about the chicken, Walter. I'll go and buy one now. There should still be enough time for that, right?" Upon seeing his nod I grab the car keys again and am out of the door before I see another of these looks passing between the two of them. 

The rest of the afternoon passes in a blur. I get the chicken. Eventually. And Walter prepares it with all the other groceries I did think of buying the first time around. It is incredible. Very tasty. We spend the evening lounging in the living room, Walter is reading one of those military fact-books that Alex and I have gotten him, Alex is watching a hockey game, with the TV's volume turned low and I pretend to be reading one of the scifi magazines, but I can't stop my thoughts long enough from sandstorming to concentrate on one of the articles in there. I'm not sure anymore whether it is really such a good idea to tell them, whether I should tell them because it is....quite frankly...strange enough for myself to understand. Oh I do understand it. Intellectually. I've got the psych articles to prove it, but there is a difference between reading about something in neat psychological terms and feeling how it suddenly applies to yourself. I don't know how they will react because I have heard too many views of people on that particular subject, and none of them spoke particularly in favor of it. 

"Don't, Fox," Walter gently pulls my lower lip from between my teeth, smiles and moves on into the kitchen. I have not noticed him moving up to me. The two of them would give me all the time in the world to tell them, I suppose. Even if tonight I am not able to get my lips to form these words. And that may happen. 

We, Alex and myself, that is, eventually settle on the couch, on top of Walter, more or less. Alex on one side, me on the other and Walter's hands stroking up and down our bodies, ruffling our hair while we watch one of these game shows. I refuse to believe that the ones responsible for these things actually do test the participants beforehand. I can barely stifle my groan at some of the answers, only earning a slap to the back of my head from Walter. I have to grin at that. I mean, really! 

Alex starts yawning sometime around ten and knowing Walter, he sees that as the ultimate sign for turning in and grabbing some sleep. I am not mistaken, of course. A soft slap on my and Alex's butt indicates that we should get a move on. Alex grumbles something about wanting to see the show following the one we just watched but a stern look from Walter makes him drag himself up the stairs. Overly slow to make sure Walter gets the hint that he isn't doing this willingly. I follow Alex, probably even slower, while Walter cleans up the living room, turns off the TV, all these things. 

I dread going to sleep. Usually I do like it. A lot. I mean, hey, what's better than going to sleep with your two lovers, feeling safe and warm and loved, but today I dread it. 

I sidle up next to Alex to brush my teeth, catching his look that says 'Are you gonna talk?' and I merely shrug. I don't know. I really don't, but do I have a choice, ultimately? 

I am still brushing my teeth when Walter occupies the place Alex has just left. He looks at me in the mirror and I smile to reassure him that everything is...alright. At least as alright as it gets. He doesn't seem convinced but gives me a quick kiss on the forehead when he leaves, giving me a few more minutes to get myself together. 

I stare at myself long and hard in the mirror. Trying to calm the swirls in my eyes, trying to calm my heart, then I undress, taking the items out of my jeans' back-pocket and transferring one of them into my hand. Then I put on my night wear, boxer-shorts and tee shirt, the item enclosed tightly in my hand, so tightly my knuckles turn white. I take a deep breath, then turn off the light in the bathroom and make my way to our bedroom, opening the adjacent door slowly and glimpse at my lovers on the bed, the place between them still free, and I know they are waiting for me. Another deep breath, then I make my way to the bed and lie down, stiffly. 

Alex moves closer to me, making me turn onto my side, so he can spoon me from behind. One of his legs is thrown over mine, his hands move over my chest, not to arouse, but to reassure. I place my head against Walter's chest, idly playing with the hair there, curling it, tugging it slightly, wishing I'd never promised to tell them tonight. 

"Fox?" Walter prods gently, lifting his hand to caress my hair. I'm trying to find my voice. 

"You will laugh at me." 

"Have we ever?" His reply in that soothing tone, talking of understanding and love. 

"No, you haven't," I admit. "But this, it's different, Walter. Alex. It's just so different than anything else." Then I am silent again, hide my face once more in Walter's broad chest, feeling like banging my head against a wall. I sense more than see the two exchanging another of these looks. 

"Well, it has something to do with you forgetting the chicken for dinner." 

"Yes," I admit. Questions I can do. That is easier than forming the words yourself. 

"And what you want to tell us has something to do with what happened when you forgot to buy the chicken." 

"Yes." If he could just stop mentioning that damned chicken all the time. 

"Have you met someone and maybe lost track of the time over talking?" 

"No." 

"Have you seen an alien and started chasing it?" Alex chimes in. He gets a kick for that from me and a slap from Walter. I have to muffle my laughter though. 

"No." 

Walter turns serious again. "Fox, just tell us, please. Whatever it is, if it is important to you, if it means something to you, we won't laugh at you or make fun of you or condemn you for...whatever it is." 

"I...you..." I start. "It's...it's something that's been in me for a long time. For as long as I can think. And in part our, our relationship already fulfills it but it...it isn't that completely. It's, it's been a fantasy of mine for a long time, but in the end it's so much more than a fantasy or than role-playing. It does mean a lot to me but I know that people usually...condemn it and laugh about it and think it's, you know, perverted." 

I stop at that point, knowing I haven't said much yet. Walter's consistent stroking of my hair and Alex's caressing of my chest, plus being able to bury my face in Walter's chest make it easier. It's easier not to face the people while telling them. 

"In...in psychological terms, and I think I understand all about the background of that phenomenon, it's called, umm, regression. And this fantasy is, well, acting that out. I've always wanted to feel protected and safe and in a way I wanted people to really take care of me, make the world revolve around me. I know this sounds all strange now. I have always wanted that, to give up responsibility, to be able to leave that independent and responsible person behind and let someone else do all that stuff while it is completely okay for me to do nothing. I..." 

My voice quivers slightly. 

"What I want to say is that I have always had this fantasy of someone, well, babying me, you know, to have a daddy. Not in the way BDSM terms usually use it, I, I don't think it's really entirely sexual or rather it is barely sexual, I just want to be able to cuddle up to someone and be allowed to reduce myself to only sounds and noises, to be just a baby who can't do anything on its own, to be simply loved. And yes, I know all the explanations about wanting to experience that unconditional love from a mother, that basic trust that I obviously never had and as I said, I know about these background things. But it's hard to admit. It's...for me...it's not some role-playing I want to try out, it's...it's so much more profound than that, it's so much more all-consuming. And it's a need I've had for a long time. So today while I was standing in the super-market I was in front of this shelf and I just had to buy these things and then I left in haste because I felt everyone knew what I planned to do with these items. That's...that's how I forgot the chicken." 

I pause for second. Then go on. 

"Our relationship, in some ways, it does fulfill that need. I mean, you are the Dom and Alex and I are your subs, so I do feel that there's someone who's there for me unconditionally. But it's...sometimes it feels as if it's just not enough. Sometimes I feel like I'm in some place in my mind where I just want to curl up and suckle on something and have someone there who doesn't ask me to get up and going again, but someone who will daddy me for a while and basically...treat me like the baby I feel I am. It's, it's a strong need sometimes. Really strong." 

I then break off, crying, feeling like I have bared too much of myself, feeling that they surely will think I am nuts. Hell, I sometimes think that I am nuts too when I hear myself saying these things. Feeling like a baby. I once was an FBI agent after all. 

Walter's stroking has never ceased. Alex's hand is also still roaming across my upper body. Then Walter speaks first. 

"It's called infantilism, isn't it? In scene terms?" 

I nod shakily. It is called that, but it feels so inadequate for all these feelings that are connected to that. I can almost hear Walter's thoughts or at least seem to feel them trying to wrap themselves around the concept. 

"Fox, what are the items you bought in the supermarket?" 

My hand flexes around it, then slowly brings it up from under the cover, opening in front of Walter's face. He takes it and smiles softly. Then I feel his hand on my chin turning my head to face him gently. I blink away the tears I haven't been aware of. 

"Do you want it now, Fox?" 

I gulp, then can bring my head to nod. He moves the pacifier closer to my mouth and I open my lips when I feel it nudge against them. I close my lips around the nipple and suck softly. This pacifier has Snoopy on it. It was the first one I noticed on that shelf and I instantly liked it. The other item, the other pacifier I have bought today has a teddy bear. 

My eyes are still connected to Walter's when I make the first tentative sucks. I sense a warm feeling spread out in my stomach and yes, also slight arousal. But overall, I simply feel warm. And safe. I feel my eyes brimming with tears and I break the visual connection to Walter and snuggle up to him, feeling his and Alex's arms tighten around me. And I slip into the warmth, deep, deep into that security, safety. 

* * *

When I wake up we are tangled as usual, but the first thing I notice isn't that. The first thing I notice is something nudging my lips and I instinctively open my mouth to let it in, only to feel someone slip the pacifier inside. I allow myself a deep contented sigh and smile before opening my eyes to find Alex looking at me, his fingers still holding the pacifier. He is propped up on his side, his hand then starts to gently, very gently stroke my cheek, all the while having the shimmer in his eyes that speaks of love. 

"It fell out," he rasps out as way of explanation, his voice still rough from sleep. My eyes flutter close again and I give myself up to the sensation of his caress and the pacifier in my mouth. 

I feel Walter stir behind me and hear them talking but my mind doesn't process the words they are saying. I am in a faraway, safe place where words don't seem to count, where they basically have lost all the importance that they hold elsewhere. 

I feel Walter shake me softly, and when I don't react, he pops out my pacifier which earns him a whimper of protest. He chuckles at that. My eyes open to find him looking at me. 

"Fox? Let's just talk a little more to see where we can go from here, okay?" 

I nod, trying to psych myself into the mind of the grown man again which is a process that doesn't come easy to me, but after a few moments I am able to look at them with the eyes and the attitude of a man their age again and I am ready for that talk. They haven't said much during the night although their actions last night and this morning spoke volumes already. After all they did not laugh at me. 

We end up sitting in a circle on the bed and Walter is the first one to speak. 

"Fox, I am thankful that you have told us these very intimate thoughts last night. I really am. And I honestly can't say that they were a big surprise to me. After all, I see you react to me all the time and yes, I have seen that longing in your eyes on a few occasions. But it would be a lie if I told you that I can fully grasp everything just now." 

"I know it's a lot to comprehend in one go. Believe me, it isn't easy to know that I have these needs either, but ultimately, I do." 

"We would never condemn you for that, Fox," Alex chimes in. "I can't say either that I really understand what's going on in that head of yours, but it doesn't change my feelings for you. I still love you." 

"I love you, too, Alex." 

Then there is silence for a bit. Alex leaves it to Walter to ask the difficult questions and grins at him, knowing full well what he is doing. 

"So Fox, forgive the question, but...how far...do your fantasies go? Or how do you imagine your life to be with that part of yourself integrated into our relationship?" 

"I really am not sure about that. I know that I could not live like that all the time, but I know that I have these urges, these needs to lie down and forget about everything a lot, quite a lot. And I know I would enjoy it on that deep level, experience that sensation for an extended period without anything else interfering. I mean, as I said, I have never really tried it out, so I don't know how far I would enjoy it or just where the point is where I want to get up and get on with adult life. I just don't know. The...the pacifier. It isn't the first one I bought. Before we ended up in this relationship together I regularly went to bed with a paci popped into my mouth. It...it calms me. A lot. And when we started living together, I just didn't want to scare you off and on the other hand, as I said some of those needs are partly fulfilled due to the constellation we have. But I still miss the pacifier...often." 

"So that will be a standard item in our bed then, that is no problem, Fox," Walter interrupted gently. "What else do you need?" 

"I, well, a baby bottle is really nice. I had one of those before this, too. And I liked it. I'm not sure why but it also had this comforting function, must be the suckling, and it was, well, nice. And I know what the next question will be...diapers. I am not sure about them. For many of these infantilism-practitioners out there they are the truly necessary item. I have never tried it out. And I am not sure if I would like it, if it would cater to my needs. I mean, I am sure that when I am in those really deeply regressed phases it probably would be necessary because I couldn't work up enough rational thought or will to, you know, go to the toilet, but it isn't one of these...things I really do need." 

I stop, having run out of breath and partly the energy to talk. I look at them. They seem to still digest all the information I am giving them. Then I think of another item and I blush. 

"Actually, there is one other thing." They look at me expectantly. "I...I have always wanted that when I was in one of those phases. It's really normal compared to the other things." I blush some more. "I've always wanted a big teddy bear to cuddle with. Like, you know, like a real...baby has, something big and soft and warm and cuddly." 

I see them both smile at me. Alex grins. "I don't think it would be a problem to get you that." 

Walter turns serious again. "Fox, could you give both me and Alex some time to talk and see what we are comfortable with and all that?" 

I cringe slightly at that while I get up. "Sure. It's...you know, we don't have to change anything in this relationship. I am happy. I really am. If you don't feel you are comfortable with any of that, that is fine with me. I love you." 

"We love you, too. Always will," Walter replies and kisses me. Alex gives me a kiss, too. 

"Alright, umm, I'm taking a run then. Back in two hours?" They nod and I leave the bedroom, go through the bathroom routine and dress for running. The cool morning air is nice to clear my thoughts and the running helps to think. I have problems understanding that I have indeed told them about all these things. Things I have sworn to myself no-one would ever even have the slightest idea about. But they are true. And they are...well...they are normal. 

The running is a nice touch but I am constantly checking my watch and two hours later on the dot I am in our apartment again, nervously taking off my shoes. I find the two of them in the living room. They smile when they see me, beckon me to them and I sit on the far end of the couch feeling as if I am on trial. And feeling young. Very young. I know that feeling. It's this, 'I want to curl up and have someone take care of me' feeling but I push it away. After all, it is what we have to discuss now. 

"We have talked, Fox," Walter starts. "It is no question for both of us that those needs will play a role in our relationship because they are part of you and the way you explained it, they appear to make up a profound part of your basic needs, so there is no way we will simply ignore them. You know as well as we do that constantly living in that regressed state would not be healthy for you and it wouldn't be healthy for us either. Whenever you feel like you want to be taken care of in that way, you show us somehow. If you can't tell us show us by simply cuddling up to us, or holding one of your pacifiers out to us, or even writing something on a piece of paper and going into the bedroom to wait for us there. Both of us are willing to have our hands full with a baby, although we never thought we would become daddies this way. And ultimately you decide when you want to come out of that state. What I won't allow though, Fox, is more than say three days at a time. And after such a long time there has to be a considerable break. I do want you to still function normally. What do you think? Is that okay with you?" 

I look at them for a moment, then scoot over to them, pressing myself in what little space is there between them, putting my head in Alex's lap, feeling their hands on me immediately. I relax until one question pops into my mind. 

"When will I get the teddy, Dad?"   
  

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Nicholas


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